If Biblical Headlines were written by Today's Liberal Media

This is great stuff, please read and enjoy. :-)


If Biblical Headlines were written by Today's Liberal Media

On Red Sea crossing:

WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On David vs. Goliath:

HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:

FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the birth of Christ:

HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On feeding the 5,000:

PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On healing the 10 lepers:

LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:

MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On raising Lazarus from the dead:

FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

Shopkeeper's Competition

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read....."MAIN ENTRANCE".

Rowing Your Boat...................

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Are You Really Sure???????

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Yiddish Parrot

Shlomo wants to buy a parrot and goes to a pet shop to see what they have.
The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite
special - it can speak most languages. So Shlomo decides to test this out.
"Do you speak English?" asks Shlomo.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"Hablas Espanol?" asks Shlomo.
"Si," replied the parrot.
"Parlez vouz Francais?" asks Shlomo.
"Oui," replied the parrot.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?" asks Shlomo.
"Ja," replied the parrot.
Shlomo pauses for a while, then
asks the parrot, "Do you speak Yiddish?"
The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says, "Nu? Vis a nose like dis, vot you tink?"

Morris, the Samurai

There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three.
The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.
The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed.
Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went Morris's sword, but the wasp was still alive and buzzing around the emperor.
The emperor was very disappointed and asked Morris, "After all your sword play, why is the wasp not dead?"
Morris replied, "A circumcision is never intended to kill."